xanex needed
For a while now I have been calling my mom once a day, usually on my way to work, but I just can't do it anymore. By the time I get to work I am wiping tears from my eyes and have to give myself a pep talk to walk into the work. For the past week I have been calling later in the day before she goes to bed and right before I head home from work so if there are any tears, it doesn't quite matter as I am going home. My mother has been mostly bed ridden for a couple months now, too weak to do much more then to walk to the bathroom she mostly spends her days laid up on a bed in the living room. She has been in a lot of pain for over a month now and is heavy pain killers. She sounds more and more depressed each phone call and my pep talks about having a positive attitude and reinforcing that she should try to eat and get down more then 500 calories a day because she has gone from 150 to 115 has lost all effectiveness. Nothing I say to her matters anymore, she just doesn't have it in her. Today I suggested once again that she inquire maybe about anti-depressants. Her response was that she just doesn't want to fight it anymore. Last night I cried myself to sleep over the whole thing.. I seriously need to get my hands on some xanex.
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