|
girlinabox girl
in a box girl in a bos girlI in a box girl in a boxl girl in a box girl
in aabox girl in a box girl in a box girl in a box girl in abox girl ina
abox girl in aabox girl in a box girl in a box girl in a box girl in a
boxk girl in ga box girl in a box girl in a box girl in abox girl ina
box, girl in a box
Photo by Jerry
Uelsman
Profound
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
I did good for about a week and a half. I missed 3 or 4 doses of my antidepressants in the past couple weeks and found myself hitting the brick wall again. GAINED THE 5 pounds back, cut again, real all time lows. Just trying to get sane. R has been leaving me text messages asking me if I remembered to take my crazy pill (as he appropriately calls it.) Not giving up on the program, but I also realize that I need to take things a little slower and not cut everything out immediately. I was saying I was transitioning but I was really restricting to the point that when I did hit an emotional low I binged because of feeling so deprived. My mom is on my case about losing weight as well. Anybody can give me a pep talk about will power and self love and not giving up, but when my mother does it.. it drives me to binge. It's the whole "her eating disorder, my eating disorder mentality." I have too many memories of this when I was younger, her obsession to be thin and for me to be thin also. Maybe I need to think about the possibility that the reason I haven't lost the the weight is that I still haven't forgiven her for the disease. Profound. I'm a bit weezy, been smoking again, not cigs but had a couple left handed cigarettes and my body is letting me know just how bad my asthma has become and how physically my lungs have gotten to the point where I really must just completely stop. It's not that it's hard, just disappointing. I wouldn't mind being able to enjoy a joint every once and a blue moon. I have been trying to get a hold of the insurance company that is handling my workman's comp case regarding my accident in the beginning of 2003. The claim adjuster I had no longer works there and the new lady on my case hasn't returned any of my calls yet. It's frustrating. I have never worked with such a lacking and slacking insurance CO. in my life. I dread the contact I will have to keep with them in order to get the plates and screws in my ankle removed. I am hoping to have surgery some time early January, but I have a feeling that with all the phone tag I will have to play with the insurance company I might not have the surgery until Feb or March. I will be off work for two weeks as I won't be able to put any weight on my ankle. I would be lying if I didn't say I wasn't looking forward to the time off. Lots of time to collage! In other news R had to put his dear cat Puttemtatters down. She has been suffering with Cancer Since March and it had just gotten to the point where she wasn't going to get any better. I surprised R and showed up at the vet when he brought Puttems in. I just know that I wouldn't have wanted to go through anything like that alone if it was me. I think he really appreciated it. Also Star my wee hamster died. She had been sick for about a week. :(
|
|
|
