I'm one day closer to
losing her
It's the weekend. Tomorrow I will spend the first half of the day visiting my mother and the second half of the day and evening with R. I have been really slacking the last couple days. I need to make a doctor appointment for a blood test for my thyroid and also to discuss getting me on some sort of anti depressant, preferably not Paxil. I guess my only main concerns are that they work and do not have any weight gain or sexual side effects. In the last few months I have cut myself 3 times, and have cried everyday since before Christmas. I seem to like to do all my crying in the car, when the rote of it all leaves plenty of time for dark thoughts about my mother dying. I think about it at least once every day. I'm one day closer to losing her.... "In the early stages a patient may experience no symptoms at all and, says Weintraub, the disease may remain indolent for years and pose no problems that require treatment. As the disease progresses, however, symptoms begin to appear. These symptoms often occur in progressive stages as the leukemia cells slowly spread to other parts of the body. Stage 0 exists when there are too many lymphocytes only in the blood and bone marrow, but generally no other symptoms appear. In Stage I, clusters of lymph nodes in the underarm, pelvis, neck, and abdomen may enlarge. Stage II the liver and spleen are swollen. The disease has progressed to Stage III when there are too few red blood cells, causing anemia. Stage IV is when, in addition to all of these symptoms, there are too few platelets in the blood, making it difficult for the blood to clot." read complete article I've been doing some research on mom's cancer. I don't think I really needed to read this article to realize that mom is now in stage IV, but there is something so damn real seeing what you had suspected in black and white. Now that my suspicions about where mom is with her cancer I need to call my brother who is married and lives out of state to tell him that he should hurry up and fly home to see her.
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Photo by Clarence John Laughlin |
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