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Photo By Jerry Uelsmann
Lately because of all the health issues I have been having I have lost all faith in my body. I desperately need to get it back before I lose all my sanity and become a hypochondriac. (Am I already???) Ever since 2000, I have gone from one medical issue to another. It's getting to the point where I am looking for something wrong, and when I find it I appropriately freak the fuck out. This week it's a weird lump thing that I have found on the roof of my mouth. What the hell is it? I keep telling myself it's nothing and most likely one of those thing that will miraculously be gone in a week once I forget that it's there and stop tonguing it to death. It's like when your driving your car and you think you hear something, so you turn the music down, (unless you have the luck to have your cd player ganked a month ago like me) and you hear a rattle or a click or a something and suddenly your like... Great.. what the fuck is wrong with my car now.. etc. This is how I have been with my body over the last four years and I WANT OUT! On another note, I
slept with R a few more times over the past week. And although I didn't
regret it once again, in hindsight it's not the answer or going to help,
might I add that since we slept together a couple times my eating is
once again out of control... interesting... I almost felt close to
him again, but once again realized it is all just a husk. It truly
is time to move on. We will remain friends which I think is going
to be harder then either of us thinks.
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