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Photo By Cindy Sherman
I'm Waiting For the Night to Fall
Sunday June 27, 2004
10:43 a.m.
I started off having a good morning.
I went to the java and did some ink drawing. On the way home I
stopped at the drug store to pick up my depression meds. This is
the first time I have had to fill the prescription as I have been using
up the samples my doctor gave me. The medication is going to cost
me 117 dollars a month! I don't think this is something I will be
able to afford with all the other medical expenses that are going to be
thrown my way. On the way home the seat belt rode up on my neck
and it got my attention because it rubbed against something and it was
tender. Putting my hand up to my neck I felt the lump for the
first time and it took my breath away. I suddenly felt sick to my
stomach and almost needed to pull off the road because an amazing heat
waved over my body and I thought for a moment that I might pass out.
Filled with fear and anxiety as I stepped out of the car and into the
parking lot I got the urge to race in and cut myself. I am writing
this now waiting for the urge to dissipate, waiting to forget how this
round lump felt under the pads of my fingers, waiting for my heart that
sank to rise up and once again beat normally in my chest.
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