It's been another one of those weeks. Mom has been in the hospital since Monday. Upon hospital admission they found she was anemic, dehydrated, her platelets and blood pressure were too low and she started having spiked temperatures as well. They are assuming that the pain she is having on her back/side is most likely tumors pressing on her kidneys, but they won't know for sure until they get the body scan back. She is on antibiotics, pain/inflammatory pills and has received two blood transfusions. She is stable now except for having no appetite and some weakness. The doctors want to start chemo again, this after they had agreed some months back my mother and the doctors that they wouldn't be doing chemo anymore. My mother has decided for the time being to decline but she doesn't sound like she has made her final decision on chemo yet. My mother's only response to the doctors is that what she really wants is whatever doctor is going to kill her the quickest. I asked why the doctors wanted her to have more chemo and she said it would buy her more time. It's the first time since this whole ordeal that something has been talked about in that way, as in, how much time is left? It scares me that we are getting to this point. I am not ready for this turn in the road. I was able to talk successfully to my mother about asking the doctor about her getting on some anti-depressants. She broke down and agreed that mentally she can't handle it but everybody things she is doing okay and handling it great. She agreed to address the doctor about it, and before I left she mentioned to her night nurse to make a note on her doctors char that she wanted to be put on an anti-depressant. I was furious when the nurse replied "Oh, you don't need that." If only she knew how badly and how many months I have been trying to get my mother to say something to her doctor about her depression.
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