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The Time Machine
The shell of me worked today. My hands did what they know how to do and my mind drifted and my insides turned and twisted and fought hard to avoid bad thoughts, thoughts that makes me cry. It's been getting more difficult to answer my clients when they ask me how my mother is doing without getting teary. Today, I told one of my clients that it was a bad subject with me and they took the cue. Again today I cried to and from work. I am worried about how I will perform tomorrow because I am very busy and have lots of color. Last week we had to throw lots of color away because I messed up mixing three colors in just one day. I still haven't made the doctor's appointment because I'm good at procrastinating things that are good for me. Lately I am only into instant gratification, a fix all or maybe just a fix, of something else usually seems to be in order by the end of the day. I wish I could fast forward a year from now.
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photo by Clarence John Laughlin |
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