|
girlinabox girl
in a box girl in a bos girl in a box girl in a boxl girl in a box girl
in aabox girl in a box girl in a box girl in a box girl in abox girl ina
abox girl in aabox girl in a box girl in a box girl in a box girl in a
boxk girl in ga box girl in a box girl in a box girl in abox girl ina
box, girl in a box
MORRISEY"S YOU ARE THE QUARRY OUT TODAY! I haven't been myself for weeks. I think it's depression that is making everything unappealing. I have been questioning everything in my life. My relationships with friends, R, family. How I live, why I live. My health, etc. As my mother used to tell me all the time growing up... I am not a happy girl. What a curse to give your daughter, I forgive her though, because everybody deserves to be forgiven except for myself. Yeah... it's that bad, and my thinking is that warped and I am that low. I have been in
touch again with my old friend BillyBudd, who now resides in
virginia. He has been helping me keep everything grounded and
real. Pointing out when I am being irrational, helping me see
where my thinking is off. I want help. I refuse to be a
lifer. I am not one that gets off on being depressed, or lives to
be depressed just to spite a parent for a less then satisfying
childhood. I want to change, the problem that I have noticed
is that my thinking is fucked up. Thinking reasonably
becomes a shell game of gray matter. I feel like I can't even
trust my own thoughts, feelings, emotions. To top everything off,
all of the depression is blanketed by a fear about an "intimate" health
matter that I am going to see a doctor about on the 24th of this month.
In my head I think that if everything is found to be okay with that then
I won't be depressed, but I know that is a lie I just tell myself.
|
|
|
