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The Death Card
Wednesday May 26, 2004
Every exit
is an entry somewhere else.
- Tom Stoppard
Every time
you settle for the unacceptable you suffer a small death. -
Stephen C. Paul
The last two
weeks have been extremely emotional. I have been stressed out over
my relationship with R, and feeling really tired of giving my all and
feeling that I am only getting a fraction in return. So the last
couple weeks I had decided to just lay back in the relationship and see
what initiative he took in talking and just general relating and had
come to the conclusion that without me constantly keeping it going, it
got very quiet and just fell apart. I felt even more distant, more
depressed and came to terms with a relationship I was no longer happy in
when I started keeping a binge journal as a suggestion from a book I had
been reading. I noticed that over 70 percent of the binges came
after feeling upset or sad about my relationship with my boyfriend and
feeling completely trapped and unable to talk to him about the issues
either. Eventually I did/we did have the "talk" and
ultimately R and I decided to break up because to be able to fix things
right now would be unrealistic.
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