Found Art
Saturday
February 13, 2005

I went to go see my mother today, it's been two weeks. Normally I go over there every Sunday.  It's been two weeks since I have taken my mother to the thrift store and I couldn't wait to go myself.   Before we went my mother went through some of her old sewing stuff and gave me a bunch of craft/sewing type stuff that I could use in my altered art.  It was like Christmas I was so excited.  I couldn't wait to get home and go through it all and put it all away. 

50 or so vintage patterns
25 bias tapes
6 ore 7 balls of different colored twine
several satin ribbons
lots of scrap fabric
lots of fancy vintage straight pins
a couple vintage pamphlets circa 1950
4 bottles of acrylic paint
tons of lace
 

Even the stuff that I have so much of I can use because I can swap it in an online group I belong to.  I finished up a couple art projects tonight.  One was a couple pages in one of my altered books where I was trying to work with the theme "Metal" and using some sort of metal in my art.  I also finally was inspired to finish up a piece of altered art I was commissioned to do by a girl at work for her newly remodeled bedroom. 

Feeling much better today.  Mentally, but not so much physically.  I really pushed myself shopping and going through tons of boxes with Mom in her basement.  I even did a couple loads of laundry and some "maid" work at R's  (yes I'm still temporarily here)  You see R is not only my boyfriend but he pays me good MOOLA to help take care of his house and personal stuff.  I'm here enough to do it already, and I need the cash so it works out quite well.  R and I have been playing around with the idea of what it would be like if we lived together.  Where we would put my dining room table.  How the purple room upstairs would be my art room (!!!!!did someone say ART ROOM!!!!!!)  yeah..  Today we cleaned the pet cages together.  It's odd how sometimes something's can feel right.  R has a rabbit named Peaches and well I have Elvis the guinea pig and the rats Anais and June.  Oh yeah and my blue Beta fish Morrissey.  Elvis and Peaches met for the first time today.  Peaches is oblivious to Elvis but Elvis is fascinated and even  hung out in Peaches Pen for a while before we put her back in her cage.  Eventually it might be an idea to keep them in the same pen it's certainly big enough and I know Elvis wouldn't mind.  See it's that sort of "live-in" thinking that I keep finding it hard to avoid and I still have no plans on budging on living together.  R keeps making comments, sweet endearing comments to try to make me stay.  He really has made me feel wanted this last week.  I think the first week I was here it was hard.  I was needy and R had a lot of things on his mind due to the fact that he is in the process of resigning at his job.  The second week it was as if we had a better idea of what living together would be like.  I must tell you that R works from home, so when I say two weeks living here, it's really like being here a month because we are together all the time.  I am really shocked these last months or so how much R and I have changed in our relationship but definately for the better. 

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I think the question isn't why can't I stop eating.. it's more .. why do I want to hurt myself?   Why do I think I am unworthy.. of anything, happiness, love and being loved, peace of mind, a happy ending.